Monday, June 23, 2008

A Tribute to my friends - past and present

"But Ruth replied, 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you.....May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.'" Ruth 1:16a,17b (NIV) As I alluded to in my recent blog, I have been on emotional transformation of late. My focus today is on friendships - past, present, lost, forgotten, neglected, abandoned, and constant. The reason I list the various types is because when I stopped and thought about those whom I allow to be close to me - they fell into these categories. Growing up, I never really got attached to things or people. When we moved or I had to change schools, I was not negatively affected for an extended period of time. I was able to start over and make new friends. I was never out-going as a child or even a teenager for that matter. I gravitated towards a few friends at a time and was never what you would consider "popular." It wasn't until I was in high school that I really connected with friends and even then it was pretty much only 2 girls that I shared deeply with and allowed myself to be vulnerable. I always found myself connecting with those with common bonds of dysfunction and on journey to search for significance. My high schools chums and I keep in touch with the "run into you around town" relationship management system. It works well for us because we are actually at much different places in our lives. I am happy to say that all 3 of us are Christians, involved in our churches and have happy home lives with our families. (much different than we were school) In college, I didn't really make any real friends because I attended school on a commuter basis and worked full-time. My focus was to attend school for an education, not a social life. After college, I then began to have a career and those friendships blossomed but again this was due to a shared workplace and goals. I formed some relationships outside of work that have lasted and I see them from time to time. As a matter of fact, one of my good friend's daughters now babysit for my little fella! I made 3 good friends at my recent place of employment, however they all moved away. We kept in touch for awhile by email and phones calls, however over time, those became less and less frequent on all parts. The ironic thing is that when I talk to either them, it's like we didn't miss a beat. These girls and I really connected. I find myself missing them lately! I find myself longing for the connection with those that knew me "when;" Those that hold my secrets and vulnerability -- warts and all close to their vest. Now that I am no longer working, God has blessed me with several ladies from my church and my son's playgroup days. From my involvement in the church, I have had an opportunity to make new friends and a willingness in my heart to let more people close to me. I feel though that I have not been the friend that I should be to some of these girls. I ache and feel a sense of shame for not being a better friend to some of these ladies. I let the busyness of life and my own self-absorption get in the way of being a good friend. For that ladies -- I send out a collective --"please forgive me" and a plea to allow me to continue to be a part of your lives. I feel a burden to share my lament and concern that I have let others down. Maybe, being vulnerable got the best of me. Maybe, I've allowed myself to be sucked back into a bubble in which I seclude myself, especially after being hurt. I love all my friends and consider you each a facet of my transformation from wallflower to butterfly. Thanks to you all -- but here are some specific shout outs to those with major impacts on my life!!

  • Janel for being my friend when some of my decisions went against your beliefs and for being a fellow Durannie
  • Lori- for teaching me to drive a stick-shift and treating me as an equal
  • Kel Kel -- what can I say -- you and I know each other so well -- we went through so many of the same things - thank you for being there with me through some really tough times and some fun ones too! - you're one of those constants in my life
  • Glenda -- thank you for taking me in and making me eat!! (haha) -- thank you for being my soul sister and accepting me as part of your family -- for putting up me through one extreme to the other!
  • Jenerator!! - for teaching me to laugh again and the importance of getting my nails done (haha) - for taking road trips to "bug-forsaken nations" - for being my WOF partner!
  • Saucy - I miss you so -- you and I connected on a level in such a way that I feel your pain and share in your joy (plus our kiddos are betrothed!!)
  • Teppy - I miss you too!! - for making me laugh but more importantly -- showing me that I can accept and love unconditionally
  • Alison -girl!! -- I am going to teach you to shop and you can do my decorating -- thank you for being open and honest with me and allowing me to feel safe sharing my life with you -- past and present
  • Trish -- you are my hero!! I aspire to have your desire to serve God and make a difference in this world!! thank you for our talks - thank you for mentoring me and eating with me!!
  • Renee - you inspire me to do more with my life -- I see all that you do and realize that I am only limited by my self-imposed restrictions
  • Mom - for being my mom - for putting up with me despite my lack of respect and hard-heartedness in the past - for being there when little man came into the world - for being my biggest cheerleader!! For loving me when I didn't love myself.
  • Sparky- for accepting me and marrying me even knowing everything about me - for your unconditional love - your support and encouragement- I LOVE YOU
  • Jesus Christ! - for loving me despite all that I have done - for being consistent, firm and loving with me - for forgiving me for all the stripes I personally inflicted on your back - for giving me a hope and a future - for securing my spot in eternity with you! Thank you all for being the Ruth's in my life! I love you all. Dear Lord - Thank you for bringing all of these people into my life and allowing them to cross paths with me at the exact moment we needed on another. Thank you for allowing me to have a friend, thus learn what it means to be a friend. Please help me to continue to cultivate and nurture these relationships! In the name of Jesus- AMEN

1 comment:

Renee said...

You are so sweet. I am so blessed by your friendship :) It is awesome to have women in our lives who can uplift us and encourage us and you do this for me, so thank you!

When I saw the MWS song, I thought, "Oh no, she didn't!!" The song he always sings and says, "I didn't know I would have to sing this the rest of my life..." You know I love him :)